Dispatches From Hello

Sometimes when I lay in bed I'll wonder what life would be like if we didn't kill all those pigeons. Then I'll remember that, eventually, something else would have killed all those pigeons. And that makes me smile. Blame humans. We took one for the team. Well, a lot of ones. But for the team. Well, our team. But a team. Team.

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After Eddie died someone told me that people die twice: first when they physically die and then again when we forget them or something. I don’t know. I wasn’t really paying attention. I was too busy trying to remember where we left Eddie’s corpse.

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I heard that most stars are visible because they’re exploding. That was pretty comforting because when our sun explodes and kills us all, at least some being in another galaxy that will be able to look up and say, “Neat,” or use it to guide their ship to conquer some alien land. I think we all could appreciate that.

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Marge never understood when I told her a stitch in time saves nine. Then again, Marge never had any arms so a lot of things were lost on her, like baseball and sign language.